Ardi van Wiechen, pedagogical specialist at Partou, explains: “It’s always a relief when you’ve found the perfect new home, of course. But if moving brings anything, it's stress. This will affect children."
Rhythm and rituals
To keep the stress under control during this often chaotic period, it is actually important for all children to maintain the rhythm and rituals to which they are accustomed wherever possible. Ardi: "You'll see that this helps to settle a child. Children live from moment to moment, following a fixed order. Also, make time for your child every day, give them that one-on-one attention. Lots of hugging, closeness and security; that helps tremendously."
It is also good to explain why you are moving and to approach it with a positive perspective. If children notice that you are happy and looking forward to the move, they can trust that it is a positive experience and can also become enthusiastic and curious.
Moving with a baby
With babies, you might think: oh, they won’t even notice a move. “Babies can sense stress in their parents; they have sensitive little feelers for that," Ardi explains. “Your pace of speaking and working changes and your heart rate goes up. Babies mirror that stress and become more agitated themselves as a result. So try to stay out of that vicious cycle."
Moving with a toddler
If toddlers love anything, it's packing and unpacking. So give them a moving box that they can put their own things in and move to the new house. Also, let your toddler unpack this box in their new room. "That offers a feeling of control: you then know what happens to your stuff," says Ardi. Another idea is to have your toddler decorate a moving box. "That's all preparation. Children process what they are experiencing through play."
She also recommends leaving your toddler's new room the same as in the old house as much as possible: "That familiarity offers security. So don't give children up to about 4 years old a new bed yet, but take the old one with you."
Moving with pre-schoolers, kindergarteners and young school-aged children
Pre-schoolers, kindergarteners and young school-aged children like to exert influence; it gives them a feeling of control. "So how fun is it when you and your older child decide on the wall colour together. When the school-aged children grab paper and colouring pencils to design their new bedroom," says Ardi. "At that age, maybe a new big kid bed can be purchased." In the new house, also prepare your child's room as soon as possible so that they have a nice place of their own right away.
Don't prepare too early
Concerning the preparation: we adults have the clock, but young children live in the moment. So don't prepare them too early, is Ardi's advice. "Don't tell your child about moving plans too early. They don't have that sense of time yet and it can make them feel unsettled if it's unclear when you're going to move." One idea is to visualise it with a countdown calendar with stickers so your child can see how far away the move is.
Social life and new neighbourhood
At this age, it is also no longer just about the old and new house, but also about a social life that children must leave behind. "Maybe the friends can come and see the new house sometime, so your child can give a tour of the house. Also make sure to have a fun and memorable farewell at school and day care, in consultation with the teachers and pedagogical staff."
It is important that we limit the extent of the slump that children may fall into after the move. For example, a move during the summer vacations is not very convenient. Also, try to connect with new neighbours and children in the beginning. Walk around the neighbourhood: where is the supermarket, where is the train station, where is the school? Go check out the new school, afterschool care or day care centre. “At Partou, we also contribute to this process," says Ardi. "We have a settling-in period for new children. Parents can make an appointment for this with our site managers."
Moving with older children
Children 8 years and older already have tremendous social lives. A move therefore has a significant impact. Children of that age are in the process of establishing their place within a group or have just succeeded, and then they have to leave.
It is important that you talk to your child as much as possible. Welcome their current group of friends to your home and start the conversation. How can they keep in touch? If you have to say goodbye to (sports) clubs, start looking for a new club together and try it out to feel and experience what it's like there. Have a farewell party if your child wants to. "For children of this age, you are often more of a coach than a parent. Above all, connect with their needs," Ardi said.
Saying goodbye
For the reality of the move to truly set in, it is very important to say goodbye. "With a toddler and pre-schooler, you do that by walking through the old house for the last time and waving: 'Bye kitchen, bye bedroom, bye front door, we are going to our new house! New people will come live here now!'” And then you go to the new house: ‘Hello new house!’ and walk around there again. In this way, the unknown territory becomes known."
Time for new things
For your child, it is good to realise that a goodbye may make them sad, but something new always comes in return. Therefore, before saying goodbye, children need to know what's next. Try to make your child curious about that new thing.
Possible relapse
In younger children, moving may cause them to relapse. If they are used to using the toilet, for example, they may begin wetting themselves again. Or they may experience a sleep regression. "That's a very logical consequence of a big change in a young life," says Ardi. "Above all, don't put too much pressure on that. Be patient, understanding and accept it as it is. Each house also has its own sounds and you have to get used to that. See where those noises are coming from and investigate them together."
Once your child gets used to it, that structured rhythm will come naturally. Ardi: "Children are very flexible as long as they have that fixed basis: security, rhythm, attention. With that foundation, everything will be fine."