Types of childhood fears
Anxiety has a function: it arises with changes and new situations, it creates a greater alertness to protect you from dangers. Childhood fears can be divided into three categories: age-related fears, primal fears and fears due to traumatic experiences.
- Age-related fears
These include fears of things like airplanes or animals. These fears often disappear over time as the child learns to deal with them step by step. - Primal fears
These are fears where the child is afraid that something might happen to them, such as fear of death, scary people, or fire. Your behaviour as a parent plays an important role here. - Fears from traumatic experiences
These fears stem from experiences such as a hospital stay, an animal bite, or bullying by older children. Keep a close eye on these fears, as they may require specific help.
Babies (0 to 1 year)
A baby is not yet aware of dangers. A loud bang, a sudden scream, or an unexpected touch can be enough to startle a baby. Around six or seven months, your baby becomes aware of their surroundings and begins to distinguish between familiar and unfamiliar faces. This is where the fear of the unknown can occur, namely shyness.
What can you do?
Your first priority is to provide emotional safety, but it's also important to provide trust in the environment. If your baby hears a loud noise, try to soothe them with a calm voice. If you can’t be with your child right away, say their name and assure them, “I hear you,” “I’m coming.” Your voice is calming. Also, explain who the new people are and show that they are safe. Your baby will recognize the "strange" faces and sudden noises from outside after a few months and will no longer panic.
Toddlers (2 to 3 years)
At this age, your toddler has some understanding of what happens around them, but not everything is clear yet. They don’t fully know how certain things work or why they happen. For example, your toddler might suddenly become afraid that they’ll be sucked down the toilet when it flushes, even if they were fine with it before.
What can you do?
As a parent, clear communication is key. Acknowledge the fear, explain that only water, waste, and toilet paper go down the toilet, and that your child is too big to be flushed away. This approach doesn’t avoid the fear but instead shows that while the fear is valid, it isn’t necessary. Avoiding fear can actually reinforce it, potentially leading to traumatic experiences. If your toddler panics, talk to them and reassure them.
Preschoolers (4 to 6 years)
At this stage, your preschooler may struggle to differentiate between reality and fantasy due to stories and images they see on TV. This can lead to fears of monsters in the closet or ghosts behind the curtains. Four-year-olds are more aware of dangers than toddlers, but they also have a more vivid imagination, which can cause them to mix fantasy with reality.
What can you do?
If your preschooler sees that you’re not afraid, it will be very reassuring. Check the closet together, and explain the difference between what can actually happen and what’s just in stories. Books about overcoming fear can also help, as they often end positively and your child might relate to the characters. If your preschooler is afraid of fire or burglars, remind them that it’s their parents' job to lock the door and keep them safe.
Children (7 to 10 years)
At this age, a young child doesn’t yet experience fear of failure. However, around the age of seven, children start comparing themselves to their peers and start focusing on results. Wanting to ride a bike as fast as a friend or solve math problems as well as their sibling, it can be hard for them to judge. This can lead to fear of failure, causing your child to either give up or act out. As a parent, it’s important to show that making mistakes is okay and that it’s fine if the end result is different from what they hoped.
What can you do?
Even at this age, understanding and acknowledging the fear is crucial. Try to remain calm. It can help to share what you’ve been afraid of or still are, and how you’ve dealt with it. Fear decreases when you know what to do. Often, a fearful and tense feeling lingers in the body, so physical activity can help release the tension.
When childhood fear becomes a problem
Fear becomes a problem when it starts to hinder your child’s development. If the fear seems disproportionate to the danger or appears illogical, it’s important to discuss this with a childcare worker or teacher. Together, you can decide whether it might be wise to visit a doctor for further support.